Rent-a-Ed/Script
sign reading "Cirkus Eds" is hung on the swingset. Eddy pops up in front of it. Eddy: "Ladies and germs!" kids are sitting in some makeshift bleachers. "The moment you've been waiting for, Circus Eds is proud to present, all the way from Reno, the one, the only, the Flying Eduardo Brothers!" claps as Nazz yawns. Ed: "You've got them in the palm of your hand, Eddy!" Eddy: "Follow my lead, boys." leaps down. "Hup hup!" stands on his head. "Hip!" returns to earth. "Ho ho!" Ed: "Zippety do-dah!" spins. Edd: "Um...knit one, perl two?" does jumping jacks without jumping. Rolf: "Why is Double-D Ed-boy calling the Chestnut Elves?" Sarah: "This stuff stinks!" Kevin: "Snoresville!" Ed: "Okay, um. Watch this, little sister." throws his friends in the air. He catches them on his feet and proceeds to juggle them using just his feet. "I saw this on TV." kids cheer, and Edd and Eddy land on one end of the teeter-totter. Edd: "My, how athletic!" Ed: "Hi dee ho!" is perched at the top of a very tall slide. Eddy: "Thattaboy, Ed!" Kevin: "The dork is toast!" Ed: "Toast?" Eddy: "Hup hup." Edd: "No no!" Ed: "Hup hup!" leaps off the slide and plunges towards the ground. Jonny: "Nice form, huh Plank?" Jimmy: "Jeepers." Nazz: "He's dropping like a rock!" hits the teeter-totter and plows straight through it, carving a hole in the playground. He pops his head out. Ed: "Ob-la-di, ob-la-da." Edd: "Twinge, hurt, bruise, sting!" Rolf: "Loop-de-loop Ed-boys have boiled an egg, yes?" Kevin: "Laid, Rolf. Laid an egg?" laughs. Eddy: "Give it up for–" half-eaten hot dog hits him in the face, and the kids exit the bleachers. Kevin: "Wicked toss, Rolf." Jimmy: "They broke the teeter-totter, Sarah." Eddy: "Hey, wait! We still gotta shoot Ed out of a cannon!" Ed: the skies "Guys?" Edd: "Fortunate for us they didn't ask for a refund, Eddy." Eddy: "Like they'd get it." Edd: "We'll need it in order to pay a repairman to fix this teeter-totter." Eddy: "Double D! You're a genius. Everything breaks sooner or later. And we can fix it! For a token fee of course." Ed: believing the stunt worked "Guys?" Edd: "I'm tired, Eddy. Couldn't we just–" Eddy: "Nope." carries Edd away. Ed: "Eddy? Double D? Stop fooling around and fall down, guys!" ---- looks into an oven where some sailor-shaped cookies are baking. Jimmy: "Yummy, my sailor cookies are perfectly baked and ready for dunking." tries to pull the oven door open. "What's this?" heaves at the door. "It's stuck!" comes from inside the oven. "My cookies! S.O.S.! Mayday! Man the lifeboats!" Eddy: Jimmy's door open "No joke when it's broke, don't be blue, let Ed's Quick Repair Service fix it and you won't sue!" Edd: "You should have hired someone to fix that rhyme, Eddy. Sheesh." Ed: "I smell cookies! Yum yum yum!" Jimmy: "Go away! I'll fix it myself!" Eddy: "Seems like we have a do-it-yourselfer here. Fine. Seeya." Edd: "But Eddy, the oven!" Eddy: "Time's money, Double D. Eenh, Jimmy'll fix it himself." walks out. stares into the oven. The cookies are burning. Jimmy: "Eddy, wait! My cookies, they're burning!" Eddy: the other side of the door "For a nominal fee..." Jimmy: "Anything, just name it! Fix my oven, Eddy!" Eddy: "You'll have to wait downstairs. Insurance stuff, you know." pushes Jimmy out and looks at the oven. "Yep. It's broken alright." Edd: "Very good, Eddy. Now that you've unraveled the riddle, how do you plan to–" hollow bang comes. "Eddy, no! Ed, stop!" and Ed are bashing the oven with various pieces of furniture. Jimmy: the noise "Laborers scare me." Edd: "HOLD IT! Can I interject? Call me crazy, but if we start by turning off the–" Ed: "Let me, Double D!" rips the control for the oven off the panel. "It is off. Good, huh?" Edd: frantic "Is it me? It's him, right?" Eddy: more smoke comes out "Boy, those cookies are getting crispy." Ed: "Wait! My brain is working." throws the oven against the wall. "Yep." oven door pops open and Jimmy's cookies fall out. By now, they are so hot that as soon as they hit the floor they burn through, leaving sailor shaped holes. Eddy: "Nice one, Ed." Jimmy: the rain "My cookies!" up "My ceiling!" Ed: "Tally-ho!" ---- Eds leave by a back route. Jimmy: "My oven!" Eddy: Ed out "Ed, quit it, willya? We need to fix things, not break 'em!" Ed: "Fix it. Got it." Jonny: offscreen "Aah! Eee! Oooh! Aaah!" falls out of the tree by which the Eds have congregate, and his head gets wedged between two branches. "I did it again, huh, Plank?" Eddy: "Climbing trees again, Jonny boy?" Jonny: "Give me a hand, guys, I'm stuck!" Eddy: "It's your lucky day, Jonny. For a nominal fee, we can repair that head of yours!" Jonny: "Repair? I need rescuing!" Eddy: "Repair, rescue, same price, Jonny. Fix 'em, Ed." Ed: "Read 'em and weep, Eddy!" pulls on Jonny's legs. Jonny: "Wait! It's too tight, Ed!" Eddy: a bill in Jonny's pocket "Oh look, a tip, Why thank you." snaps back up, slamming Eddy to the ground. Edd: "Eddy, with proper lubrication, Jonny's head would simply slip out." Jonny: "I've got some dish soap in the kitchen." Eddy: "Glad I thought of it! We'll soap up his melon, and collect our fee!" Jonny: "Not so fast! Plank's going too. Keep your eyes on 'em, buddy." takes the proffered wood. ---- Edd: "How anyone could find detergent in this mess is beyond me!" spots it. "There you are!" Ed: under the sink "There you are!" pulls the plumbing from the walls. "Weird bottle, huh?" Eddy: "What, again? Ed, you're a–" Jonny: "Is everything okay in there, Plank?" Eddy: "Everything's fine. Ed found a leak in your pipe–uh–your faucet. For an extra quarter, we can tweak it." Jonny: "Well, I guess so." Plank: Jonny: "What's that, Plank?" Plank: Jonny: "They did what?" Plank: Jonny: "Where?" clamps his hand over Plank's mouth. "Get me down from here! Help! Someone!" backs into the house. Edd: worried "Sick, I think I'm gonna be sick. We don't have the proper tools to fix this!" Eddy: keeping calm "It's under control, relax. We've got the ultimate tool." ---- montage follows where the Eds use Ed in various ways to fix Jonny's plumbing. ---- Eddy: a poorly fashioned sink "We were born to do this, Double D." Edd: "This is a natural talent? It's not fixed! Look at it!" sound of an engine firing up is heard, and Edd and Eddy gasp. Ed has collected the spare plumbing. Ed: "Can I build a birdhouse with this stuff?" Edd: "Ed? Where did you eviscerate that heat radiator from?" Ed: "There." points at a pipe which is spewing steam. Edd: "Oh dear! Quick, do something, shut it off!" Ed: "Boy, it is hot in here. Are you hot, Eddy? Sweat is trickling down my neck." Edd: "I'm melting. It's becoming a sauna in here." Eddy: "A sauna! That's it! A spa! Why fix things when we can fix people? Sauna, sweat, and makeovers! Cashola in the bank-ola!" ---- wooden sign is hung over Jonny's face. Sarah: "Cheaz La Sweet? What's that?" Jimmy: "That's 'Shae La Sweat,' Sarah. Sweat's good for your skin! C'mon, let's cleanse our pores!" Sarah: Jimmy in "Sweat stinks." Jonny: "Hello? Who's there?" walks up to the door. Before he can open it, Eddy throws it open. Eddy: "Mon grate, welcome to Cheaz La Sweat!" Jimmy: "Eddy!" Eddy: "Comon vu, au grauton? Look, see, la facial! And the grand piece of resistance, la sauna!" Jimmy: "My dream come true!" Eddy: "Cough up la fifty cents, oui oui?" Jimmy: "Yes yes!" Sarah: the money "Not so fast! You guys wrecked Jimmy's room and we're not paying one red cent!" grabs Eddy and shakes him. "GOT IT, MISTER?" Eddy: dazed "Very good. Voolah voolah towel over yonder." Sarah: "Lovely, thank you." Edd: "Freshly laundered towels, only twenty-five cents!" and Jimmy each go by but leave no money. "Um, each?" Sarah: "This better be good." Jimmy: "Fancy." Ed: "Come again!" is tied to a support beam and acting as a towel rod. Eddy: "Any damage? What'd ya break, Ed?" Ed: "I've been a good towel rack, Eddy." Eddy: "I know you have, Lumpy. Let's just make sure you stay good." tightens the knots binding Ed in place. Edd: "Okay then. You've ordered our Stately package. The opulent hair treatment for Jimmy, and the exfoliating facial for Sarah." puts an applicator in a jar of peanut butter. Sarah: "What's that stuff?" Edd: "A secret blend of organic minerals to help that haggard skin." grabs the jar and pours the whole spread onto Sarah's face. Edd: "Seems efficient." Sarah: "Hey, my skin feels tingly-tingle!" Jimmy: "I told you, Sarah!" glob of peanut butter lands on his curls. "Be gentle." Eddy: the spread in "One baguette, hold the mayo!" shapes Jimmy's curl into a horn. Jimmy: his new look "It's so brave! I love it!" Eddy: "Next, La Sauna! Double D?" the chair and knocks Sarah and Jimmy off Edd: them in "Mind your heads, please. La Sauna cleans and purifies the skin." pulls back a shower curtain and shows them into another area. "You have company." are Kevin, Rolf, and Nazz. Rolf: "Close the curtain, as it is colder than my Nana's wooden leg!" Edd: "Um, Sorry, Rolf. Room for two?" and Jimmy enter. Sarah: "Jimmy?" Edd: "Relax and enjoy." exits. Rolf: "This hot steam makes Rolf's flesh shed tears of impurity. Aah." Sarah: her hand off Rolf's sweat "Yuck!" Nazz: "My pores are screaming." turns the steam up and stands in front of it. Rolf: "Ooh! Aah! Fresh! Ha ha!" towel falls off. ---- is pacing outside the sauna. Jimmy: inside the sauna "How embarrassing!" Nazz: out "Rolf, you're so gross!" Jimmy: out with Sarah "Run away!" Kevin: "You're on your own, dude!" laughs Eddy: confused "Can somebody tell me what's going on?" Rolf: the sauna curtains "I must protest the rudeness of your guests!" Edd: "What just happened?" sees the naked Rolf and hides under his hat. "Make yourself decent, Rolf!" Eddy: "You're scaring the customers away, Rolf! Put your towel on!" bursts through the wall, the beam still tied to him. Ed: "Towel rack at your service!" Eddy: "Now look what you did!" Edd: from under his hat "I can't bear to look. Has Rolf–IS THAT THE SUPPORT BEAM TO THE HOUSE?!" Ed: "What's a support beam?" house begins to shake. Edd: "This has been quite a day." house develops cracks all over its structure and collapses in upon itself. ---- house is a smoldering pile of rubble. A shirtless Kevin heaves himself out of some of the wreckage and looks around. His eyes finally land on the Eds. Kevin: "Oh, man...you guys are in so much trouble." Eddy: "Tell me about it, I lost my money." Edd: "How can you even think about money at a time like–" Eddy: "Oop! Found it!" picks up his money can. "Did you miss me?" Kevin: gleefully "Jonny's gonna–" kicks the door down on top of him. Jonny: "Homewreckers! Look how unhappy Plank is!" holds up the spa sign. One of the four wooden pieces used to construct it is Plank. Jimmy: woozy "Rubber baby buggy bumpers." Ed: "He's reaching for Jimmy!" has indeed picked Jimmy up and uses the sign as a shield. Eddy: "Relax, Jonny, we're repairmen. We'll fix it." Jimmy: "I'm scared of heights!" Jonny: the horn-haired Jimmy at the Eds without further ado "Touche!" horn slices through Ed's bonds, and Ed joins his friends in their attempt to escape. Ed: "Run!" is thrown at Eddy, and Jimmy hits the ground in front of him and sticks like a javelin. Eddy slowly backs up. Jimmy: "I think I'm gonna be sick." Ed: "We are surrounded!" kids have circled them. Edd: "Let's just do the right thing, Eddy, and work for the rest of our lives to buy Jonny a new home." Eddy: "Yeah right. They'll never catch the Flying Eduardo Brothers!" rips off his shirt to reveal his original costume. Edd: "You're still wearing that thing?" Eddy: "Hup hup!" Ed: "Ho ho ho, hip!" Rolf: "Not again! Those good-for-nothings are good-for-nothings!" Edd: "Careful, Ed!" uses his leg muscles to launch his friends into the stratosphere. Ed: up to catch them "Hip hip, um, arf arf!" stands on a fire hydrant. and Eddy come down on Ed with such force that Ed is plunged into the pavement. The ground under them begins to bulge. Suddenly, the hydrant erupts, propelling them into the air. Kevin: "Hey, the Ed-weirdo brothers ain't too bad." Eddy: top of the spout "Thank you! Thank you very much! You're beautiful!" Category:Season 2